tirsdag 25. oktober 2016

Work diary, the whole week 42

There were no updates on my work diary in week 42. The reason for this is very simple. It is not very dramatic at all. No life threatening diseases, no major accidents like all pencils broke in two, or all shops were sold out of pens, pencils, pencil sharpeners or rubbers. The reason is that nothing at all happened at my work. I could always write about the different visits to the toilet or...

...the not so very interresting lunch that usually contains of 4 slices of bread with danish liverpaste.

The only interresting thing I can think of is when I discovered the dead mouse that had most likely been driven over by a forklift truck. That is not a very cool way to say goodbye to this world.

But I decided not to focus on the death of the mouse for the sake of the followers of this blog. This is a feelgood blog with the purpose of creating happiness in the world. Not a huge mob of mourners.

The result would have been pokemon go mobs around the world being mixed with huge mobs of mourners of the dead mouse. That would have been a probleme for the different countries. Anyway this blog will be working harder from now on with the updates.

onsdag 19. oktober 2016

The cup 2016 (maby also 2017), First round, first game

Berserk Boys - Blogger Wanderers 4-1(0-1)

Potato Field Stadium

Attendance: 5 people if we count the foreign workers who were eating dinner in the caravan in the parking lot next to the field. They occasionally glanced at the game through the window. If not, zero.

Match report:

Blogger Wanderers dominated the game in the 1st half and  thanks to the Berserk Boys goalkeeper Aru Agnarsson, who seemed to have 8 tentacles, the result would have been worse than 0-1 to the away team. After the break Berserk Boys completely changed the style of play. With hard tackles and a goalie who continued to take all the shots coming at him, they took control of the game on their home ground Potato Field Stadium. The game ended 4-1 to Berserk Boys. In the next round hey will face the winners of the Holy Crap and Goalkeepers FC game.

Berserk Boys goalkeeper Aru Agnarsson keep his team in the game with a two tentacle save. Blogger Wanderers forward Fishing Frank can only watch.

Berserk Boys decided to change to a rougher approach to the game in the second half. Also when the play came to a stop.

The rougher approach was a success, Here we see Berserk Boys forward Balder Blood with a great goalscoring opportunity.

The cup 2016 (maby also 2017), First round

Berserk Boys - Blogger Wanderers 4 - 1
Holy Crap - Goalkeepers FC
Delirium Daggers - The Tactics
The Remains - No Karisma Men
Fashion Blogging Boys - Barista Boys
The Economists - The Damned
High Rising Building Boys - The Dishonest Gang
Prick The Club - The Spoiled Kids
Hoeyblokka IF - The Unsympathetics
Massive Attackers - The Bad Grades Boys
Party Party Yeah Yeah - Silly City
Suburb Bullies - Upper Class Nasty Boyz
Oi Oi Punk Boys - No Karisma Boys
Paaaaarty Yohooooo! - Rackle FC
Shit Gang FC - Tanjets Mozga
The Poets - Scumbag City

mandag 17. oktober 2016

The cup 2016 (maby also 2017)

Fianlly a football association with teams worse than your favourite team. If you support a team that week in and week out make your life miserable with poor performances and results, feel free to seek comfort following this league.
First game in the first round of The Cup will be played tomorrow between Berserk Boys and Blogger Wanderers.

First round fixturers:

Berserk Boys - Blogger Wanderers
Holy Crap - Goalkeepers FC
Delirium Daggers - The Tactics
The Remains - No Karisma Men
Fashion Blogging Boys - Barista Boys
The Economists - The Damned
High Rising Building Boys - The Dishonest Gang
Prick The Club - The Spoiled Kids
Hoeyblokka IF - The Unsympathetics
Massive Attackers - The Bad Grades Boys
Party Party Yeah Yeah - Silly City
Suburb Bullies - Upper Class Nasty Boyz
Oi Oi Punk Boys - No Karisma Boys
Paaaaarty Yohooooo! - Rackle FC
Shit Gang FC - Tanjets Mozga
The Poets - Scumbag City

First round and first game in The Cup:

Berserk Boys - Blogger Wanderers   18/10 2016

Players to watch:
Fishing Frank is a player who has not yet learned the off-side rule, but the very few times he avoids it by luck, he is a very effective goalscorer.

Sigurd Magicsson is a player that is worth coming to see. He is known for his tough but elegant tackles that are always on the verge to a booking.

Work diary Friday, week 41

It`s finally Friday. I decide to put an end to the struggle with my diet by finishing of the residues from yesterday`s cake. You might have heard that before, but this time I have really done my research. Noone is getting hired today, noone is quitting or getting retired, noone is being fired, noone is having a baby, no work colleagues have birthday today, nor their children, grandmothers, uncles, aunts or nieces, noone is moving internally etc, etc, etc. You get the picture.

But only 17 minutes after the last slice of cake has been devoured, disaster strikes again. A disaster impossible to forecast. It`s the infamous greasy, norwegian waffers. They are evil for dieters.

Everyone enjoyed "the gift" from upstairs except me. There has never been a more unhappy norwegian waffer eater in the whole history of the infamous greasy norwegian waffers ever. I suddenly get a strong feeling of a conspiracy among the ones from upstairs against my diet because I did not listen to the new CEO`s vision for the company, nor did I listen to the farwell speach from the retired one. Why can`t they just leave me alone.

Today I turned on the weight scale again to face the truth like a man, but the number was so bad I began to cry like a baby. It sure is a very thin line between being a real man and a cry baby.

Work diary Thursday, week 41

Today I decided to end my punishment when it was not just me that woke up from the alarm clock.
A non identified insect flew out of my moth. It was very scary. Two traumatic experiences in two days in a row is not good for anyone.
All the money I have saved on not brushing my teath the last days just went down the drain. I had to use a lot of toothpaste to get back to status quo.

When I arrived work I was greeted with another cake. There is no end to my misery.

I was so full and nauseous when I bicycled home that I was not able to respond to people adressing me in the traffic. Another traumatic episode today.

Work diary Wednesday, week 41

As punishment for yesterday I decided not to brush my teeth when I went to bed. The punishment continued this mornuig as well. This serves me right.

As I mentioned yesterday I managed to finish off the cake residues in an impressive way. I am more than ready to start my new, healthy life, but...

Later more cake was served upstairs during "the farwell ceremony". I was told to bring some slices downstairs to the ones that didn`t bother to go upstairs. This was noticed by the people from upstairs. It was a veeeeery embarrassing moment for me. I will try and use this traumatic experience into my diet. The well known "turn something bad into something good" method.

I decided not to turn on the weight scale today. I just stood there and waited for a carpe diem moment. It did not work. The moment did not arrive.

Work diary Tuesday, week 41

If you are looking for an everyday hero, look no further. Today is finally the day to start the diet. I have a very good feeling. The odds for cakes being served two days in a row at your work place is always very high.

I arrive work and soon realize I should have placed the bet. I should have done a better research on my work colleagues. They are the type who behave themselves around other people and go mental with cakes, sweets, chocolate etc., etc. inside their own home. I go mental at both places.

The medicine cabinets were probably lacking tweezers after yesterday. They are probably still in the washing machine. Luckily for them I have so far avoided getting a splinter in my finger today. I decided to finish the residues to get a fresh and clean start tomorrow. It was a tough job, but with strong willpower I managed in the end.

At the end of the day I forced myself upon the pallet truck. Not in my wildest imagination would I have predicted the number showing up on the display. Disaster !. State of emergency is another phrase that comes to my mind.

Work diary Monday, week 41

The apple cake bonanza last week has given me hyperhidrosis. My body is definately trying to tell me something about my eating habits. Maby it is time to start to listen to it. This week I will give it a go.

I decided to cycle to work like a pro athlete to get back on track to loose weight. The tempo was good and the communication with others in the traffic was clear. No misunderstandings.

But there were big troubles as soon as I arrived my work place. Luck is not my middle name, nor is willpower. In Norway you can apply for a name change. Maby that could help my diet. Slender Willpower do sound like a cool name to have.

More cakes arrived on the second floor later when the new CEO was presented. I wonder if her visions for the company is just as good as the cake was. I was not too bothered with them, but maby Slender Willpower would have been.

Gaining weight during a diet is very demoralizing. The weighing is postponed to tomorrow.

søndag 9. oktober 2016

Work diary Friday, week 40

I have never been so nervous in my whole life when I woke up this morning. The chances for another giant apple cake are huge. It is in situations like these you start to think about the meaning of life. This morning I couldn`t find any.

The writing was on the wall. I managed to empty the cake tin yesterday. That meant there would be a possibility for them to fill it up again, and they did. Apple cake was once again on the menue.

I am getting told how they managed to get hold of more apples. "Norway`s got talen".should be banned from television. Especially when the apples are ripe. Who watch that show anyway. Everyone knows there are no talents in Norway. We suck at everything !. Especially diets.

Today I was so full I needed help to read the scale. I finish the week with breaking another sad record. In my first week on a diet I have gained lots of weight. The project has been a total disaster from the very first second. If there is a God, please give me some hope and encouragement to continue. I will say a prayer maby tomorrow when I am not so full.

Work diary Thursday, week 40

I am still full from all the cake yesterday when I wake up. I realise there are no chance to rescue the diet this week. I decide to concentrate on making the damage as little as possible.
There is still more left from the record breaking cake from yesterday. My work colleague is acting like a professional training fitness coach for me so we can empty the worlds largest cake tin. His wife needs it tonight. She is planning on baking some more.
His talent for being a personal trainer is undisputable. I would never have done it without his encouragements, but should I be thankful. I am not sure.
It would have been an advantage for my newly started diet if the other work colleagues would put more effort into the task of finishing the monster apple cake. They were all acting like a bunch of sissies. They would not have won any hearts in an eating competition.
I on the other hand, keep on breaking records. I was so full after finishing the cake that I was not able to stand on the weighing scale. It was very painful. The result of the weighing made it even more painful. Another kilo gained today.

Work diary Wednesday, week 40

It`s Wednesday. Midweek. That is always a perfect moment to kickstart a diet. I am ready !. I put on my gameface in front of the bathroom mirror when I brush my teeth. I must admit I was impressed with it. Everything in life is easy when you set your mind to it.

Unfortunately the first thing that meets me when I enter my work place is an even bigger apple cake. It looks like I have to postpone the diet today as well. All positive energy is replaced with sugar, grease and thousands of calories.

I have never seen a larger cake tin in my whole life. I later tried to find pictures of larger ones on the internet, but without any luck. The largest cake tin containing the largest amount of calories gathered just happens to be around me while I am trying to hold a diet. I call that bad luck.

The weighing at the end of the working day was tough. Really tough !.

Work diary Tuesday, Week 40

It`s Tuesday and for the first time in a long while I wake up and feel a bit happy for going to work. I am starting a diet. Fianlly I have found a motivation for getting up every f...ing morning to go to that f...ing place. Who would have thought a diet would be the solution. Not me !.

Keeping a diet can sometimes be very difficult This is something I experienced the very first moment I walked through the door at my workplace today. I was greeted with a large apple cake. This treat is very popular during current season in Norway. The apples are ripe and ready to be consumed...and destroy every started diet that is standing in the way.

My work colleague, that started a diet a couple of weeks ago, could tell me about the episode that kickstarted the decision to make the delicious, greasy and unhealthy cake. They were sitting in front of the television watching "Norway`s got talent", but the noise from the falling ripe apples interrupted the tv show. They then decided to turn the negativity into something positive by making this giant calorie bomb.

It was a lot of sugar and fat in the cake. That might explain why it was so tasty. The first weighing for my newly started diet was discouraging. I hope for better results in the near future.

mandag 3. oktober 2016

Work diary week 40, Monday

It was a very tough end to last week. Even though the creme balls were a huge disappointment, I still managed to down the whole jar before the working day was over. The day has later been known as "The creme balls mayhem".
The start of this week is a very quiet. It feels like my working day is missing something. The hot chocolate from the coffee machine that makes you go to the toilet instantly is the only meaningful employment I can come up with today.
Luckily I get a lot of the good ideas sitting on a toilet seat. I have such a moment today as well.
The pallet truck at work has a digital weigh scale. It will play an important role in my way to a thinner and healthier life. I can`t wait.